Mortified

What a day. I have spent the whole day feeling a mix of negative emotions. First I was nervous and panicky as was having my hair done and hoped it would be ready for the big event later on today. It turned out that it was (and it looks great by the way) but I completely messed up my afternoon. I'm one of those people who beat themselves up at an error that they can't change, things happen and we move on. Why do we fall down? So we learn how to pick ourselves up again. (Batman Begins) I know this and in theory I know how to react in different situations and I know that if some minor detail goes wrong, then you pick yourself up, move on and don't let it effect your future performance. So, what do I do? I do the complete opposite. My mind is screaming at me 'what are you doing?!' It reminds me of a time, years ago when I was 19 and I was driving my parents car, my bf at the time made me (ok, strongly advised me) to take him to the shop to get some beers. I was reversing out the drive and was too close to the car next to me, he was shouting at me 'what are you doing? You're going the wrong way!', so, all parts of me said to stop. I carried on, making the the bumper fall off, minimal scratching though. He took the blame for pressurising me.
But that's not the point, the point is; I went against what I should have done and did the opposite. That example also used a lot of negative thinking and I am trying to get rid of that habit.
Another example is the other day, I went to my regular coffee shop and the owner was there - he doesn't know me so he doesn't give me a discount, he also doesn't know what he's doing - so I went against my better judgement of walking out and heading off to Costa and stayed in the coffee shop and waited 10 minutes for 3/5s of a coffee for more than what I normally pay and half the loyalty stamps that I normally get. Ouch.
So I suppose I do it to prove my negative thinking is correct? Or just because I don't think. Either way, this afternoon was a disaster and despite not being able to change a thing by turning back the clock and instead of moving on and learning from my mistakes with my head up high. I am cowering away, beating myself up and feeling dreadful and maybe in a few days once I'm over it, I'll then learn my lesson - only to forget it all when I'm
in the same situation again.