There Was A Time...

It might not be apparent, but I am a huge Guns N Roses fan, to look at me - a 25 year old with no real sense of style and no obvious stereotype - it doesn't jump out at you.  It's Bank Holiday weekend, I'm sat in at home all on my own (there is a tramp that lives on my doorstep and I'm fighting the want to invite him in just so I have someone to talk to - word on the street is that he is a class A junkie), I've been listening to Chinese Democracy on repeat for the past few hours and I'm constantly checking Twitter for GNR updates by the band, just to rub salt in the wound that they are in Leeds and I'm nowhere near there.

But yes, I am a massive GNR fan (favourite song is There Was A Time at the moment, vocals are excellent) and named my blod accordingly - Move To The City - a song on Live Like A Suicide/GNR Lies, which is actually a cover. 

I've been doing a lot of research once again about moving to New York City and it's going to be a very long process.  Still got fingers crossed for winning the lottery (I don't play but my parents do) as I could then get in from having a financial interest in a company.  Otherwise I shall be somehow building up a strong rapport with a company to sponsor me.  Or of course, marry an American, but I'm really not interested in that.  Or getting married for real come to think of it.

Anyway, I'm at home, all alone and knowing that I have lots to do but feel like I should be doing more 'fun' stuff as it's a bank holiday and I've been looking forward to this bank holiday, well since the last one!  I've put out a few 'lonely' ads on Twitter and Facebook today but haven't had any positive responses from anyone who is doing anything.  I 'could' have gone to a car festival, but would have had to camped over and I really didn't want to do that.  I suppose I did have options so not sure why I am moaning.

There Was A Time has just come back on, perhaps the fifth time I have heard this today?

I'm off to get some work done and then get some dinner, get drunk, perhaps watch a film and play on the net, or play RockBand.  The possibilities are endless!

I will close with a lyric from this excellent and thought provoking song.

"If there's nothing I can gain from this or anything at all, it'd be the knowledge that ya gave me when I thought I'd heard it all."

Mortified

What a day. I have spent the whole day feeling a mix of negative emotions. First I was nervous and panicky as was having my hair done and hoped it would be ready for the big event later on today. It turned out that it was (and it looks great by the way) but I completely messed up my afternoon. I'm one of those people who beat themselves up at an error that they can't change, things happen and we move on. Why do we fall down? So we learn how to pick ourselves up again. (Batman Begins) I know this and in theory I know how to react in different situations and I know that if some minor detail goes wrong, then you pick yourself up, move on and don't let it effect your future performance. So, what do I do? I do the complete opposite. My mind is screaming at me 'what are you doing?!' It reminds me of a time, years ago when I was 19 and I was driving my parents car, my bf at the time made me (ok, strongly advised me) to take him to the shop to get some beers. I was reversing out the drive and was too close to the car next to me, he was shouting at me 'what are you doing? You're going the wrong way!', so, all parts of me said to stop. I carried on, making the the bumper fall off, minimal scratching though. He took the blame for pressurising me.
But that's not the point, the point is; I went against what I should have done and did the opposite. That example also used a lot of negative thinking and I am trying to get rid of that habit.
Another example is the other day, I went to my regular coffee shop and the owner was there - he doesn't know me so he doesn't give me a discount, he also doesn't know what he's doing - so I went against my better judgement of walking out and heading off to Costa and stayed in the coffee shop and waited 10 minutes for 3/5s of a coffee for more than what I normally pay and half the loyalty stamps that I normally get. Ouch.
So I suppose I do it to prove my negative thinking is correct? Or just because I don't think. Either way, this afternoon was a disaster and despite not being able to change a thing by turning back the clock and instead of moving on and learning from my mistakes with my head up high. I am cowering away, beating myself up and feeling dreadful and maybe in a few days once I'm over it, I'll then learn my lesson - only to forget it all when I'm
in the same situation again.

Camping Chaos

So yes...my camping trip. I haven't properly been camping before (I don't count Reading Festival '03, that was 3 days of fun), but I was surprised that I enjoyed it apart from the tent mishap. Big tent, full of creepy crawlys. Also the inflatable mattress and inflatable pillow both burst on the first night so I was sleeping on the hard ground for 3 nights. We went up to the Lake District on Friday night at 10pm, which was a little later than the scheduled 5.30pm departure. We were all cursing the one who slowed us down by several hours...that was until he told us why he was late - he was making a large BBQ and skillet for us all to cook on. He is quite the craftsman.
We drove half way there and then stayed over in a Premier Inn. The one we stayed at had 2 available rooms so we thought 'great, they will fit us in', but alas the Receptionist was having none of it. 2 people to a room for safety and fire hazards etc. We finally accepted this and the driver stayed in his van to save money (and the fact that he didn't have a choice, the other 4 of us were couples). My bf and I got into our room to find a double bed, a pull out single bed AND a rather large sofa that a 6th man could have easily slept on. What a joke! Our driver could have stayed in our room after all!! What's the point of having 4 beds if only 2 people can stay in the room?!
After getting ripped off for breakfast at RestBite (and all the other service stops we had along the way - a tenner for 3 coffees?? Come on Costa!) we made our way to the Lake District where I learnt several things:
1. It definitely is a lot colder up north than down south.
2. No matter what weather warnings I receive, I always pack wrongly.
3. I am quite tolerant and easy going.
4. I am nowhere near as fit as I should be.
5. My bf is one of those people who would throw a non-swimmer into the deepest pool to teach them how to swim.
I spent several days walking up steep hills, sitting in a chair covered in blankets and also not drinking as much as I should have done because the toilets were inconveniently far away.
All in all it was a great trip. But I won't be going camping again.

Pack Your Bags And Move To The City

I wish it was that simple.  I have just come back from a camping trip, my first proper camping trip, and I think it's pretty safe to say that I won't be going camping again, not in a tent anyway (I'll get to that another time).  Anyway, I've decided that I want to move to New York City.  As does millions of other people I suppose.  I've wanted to move there for years, but true to character I haven't done anything about it - my realistic (negative) attitude has said that I can't do it.  However, as Anastacia once said 'feeling sorry for yourself ain't got nobody nowhere', or words to that effect, so yes, I will do it.  I know that it's going to take years - I've done my immigration research.  Unfortunately I am not a doctor or scientist so can't get in that way and I have no immediate family (or any family for that matter) who are US residents.  It looks like I will either need to win the lottery and invest in a business or become sponsored by a company, which is fine it just takes a lot longer.  So here is my quest to get there, plus a few distractions of other things I get up to along the way...